The Secrets that Bind Us
by Newbie GK
Summary: Perhaps the worst part of it was she hadn’t wanted to be cruel. She merely wanted to protect her own heart and in the process broke his. Shunsui/Nano.
1. Secret of Mine

**AN: **Hey everyone, I was inspired a while back to write this fic but unfortunately I didn't have much time to do it. But here it is now. I apologize for any mistakes you might find. I don't have a beta and I wanted to post this before I left for work today. (If you do find some mistakes, feel free to point them out to me. I don't mind.)

Enjoy!

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**Chapter One:  
****Secret of Mine**

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His Nanao-chan had been acting strangely during the past week or so. True, she continued to be the Epitome of Efficiency and upheld her title as Queen of Organization well enough but something was off...

She had been avoiding him, more than usual. Anytime he walked into a room, she found an excuse to leave it. And whenever he would go off on one of his sake-drinking missions during the day, she didn't follow and bring him back like she used to do. And if she couldn't escape his presence, she seemed… almost jittery. Just a couple of days ago, he had went to put a friendly arm around her shoulders, something he would do to anyone in his squad, and she not only jumped out of the way but knocked into a desk upsetting several files of paperwork.

Around other people, he noticed she seemed mostly normal. Her voice sometimes came out a bit harsher these days when delegating orders to squad members, but even so, he noticed that she would take the potentially offended squad member aside and apologize afterwards for her behavior. Yet around him, she acted completely different. She acted like a nervous doe unsure if the approaching person was going to harm her. Shunsui didn't like the idea that his beloved Nanao-chan feared something; he especially didn't like the idea that what she feared was him. And so, after a week of Nanao-chan running avoidance maneuvers 101, Shunsui decided to take action. He would seek her out.

"My lovely Nanao-chan!" he shouted exuberantly upon walking into her neatly organized office. She sat at her desk in the center of the room rapidly filling out forms. "Yes, taichō?" she replied without even glancing at him. Shunsui frowned in disappointment; he was losing Nanao's attention to a stack of paperwork. _'Well, at least she hasn't tried to leave the room yet,' _he thought with a wry grin.

"My dear, sweet Nanao-chan," he began again before pausing. And continuing to pause. The silence lasted long enough for Nanao's shoulders to tighten with annoyance and for her hand to grip the pen until her knuckles turned white. _'Success,' _he thought gleefully, _'I much prefer an annoyed Nanao-chan ready to hit me than one who runs from my presence.' _

"**Yes**, taichō?" she finally prompted, eyes still looking at the paper before her.

"How is my lovely Nanao-chan today?" he asked, barely managing to withhold a smirk as his Fukitaichō's ki rose in aggravation. She was just so cute when the muscle above her left eye began to twitch ever so slightly.

Meanwhile, Nanao took a deep breath in, a method she had learned to prevent yelling in frustration at her captain. She then adjusted her glasses, a warning sign to her persistant captain that he was irritating her. But the fear at the gesture was soon forgotten when she _finally _lifted her pretty violet eyes to look at him when she spoke. "Is that all you came down to ask or was there something else more pertinent? Division related matters, perhaps?"

"What could be more important than my dear Nanao-chan's health and well-being? My lovely Nanao-chan is…"

"I'm fine, Taicho," she replied quickly resuming her paperwork once more. She found that the quicker she answered his questions, rhetorical or not, the more focused the conversation would be. After all, her captain did have a tendency to become slightly long-winded when speaking of anything related to beauty, saké, or "his" Nanao-chan. Not to mention, if he thought she was busy, he might leave faster.

"But Nanao-chan…"

So much for that theory. "Kyōraku-taichō, I said I was fine. Now if there isn't anything else, I would prefer to be able to finish this paperwork sometime this afternoon," she said giving him a look as if waiting to see if he would contradict her once again. Instead, he just shook his head in (mostly) mock-sadness.

"Yare, yare. So cruel. Alright, as you wish my Nanao-chan, I shall leave you in peace."

She nodded, and went back to filling out forms. Thirty seconds later when she looked up, he still hadn't moved. Instead, he continued to stare at her with chocolate brown eyes that seemed to be a mixture of sadness and determination. "Yes, taichō?" she said setting down the pen. She folded her hands together on the desktop to give him her complete attention.

"I will leave, _**but **_only if my sweet Nanao-chan promises that if there is ever a problem or something troubling her, she will come to me immediately."

"Of course, taichō," she said nodding affirmatively. He smiled in response – a slow, languorous smile that stretched from left ear to right; the kind that warm a person's insides by just looking at it, a smile that truly reflected his beautiful but lazy personality.

Unfortunately, as he turned around to leave, he missed the wince she gave, a nervous tic she had every time she lied. _'Forgive me taichō,' _Nanao thought as she watched her large, pink-clad captain walk away in his typical slow gait, _'but this is something I can __**never**__ share with you.'_


	2. Secrets you Find

**AN**: Sorry it took so long to update. My muses had me distracted with writing some Naruto fics. Hopefully, I should be able to devote more time and focus to this piece now. Once again, it was written rather quickly so I apologize for any mistakes you find. Feel free to point them out to me so I can correct them.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter Two:  
Secrets you Find**

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Two weeks after Shunsui's trip to Nanao's office, things seemed to be returning to normal. Once again, she was back up to her usual tolerance for his loud and flamboyant behavior which hung somewhere between zero and not at all. She returned to alternating between scolding his laziness and forcing him to work. Instead of fleeing from his presence when he annoyed her by entering her personal space, she decided smacking him with a book/clipboard/file was once again the most effective method. She even resumed her usual duty of seeking him out and badgering him to return to work when he left the office for 'just a quick, little nap my dear Nanao-chan.' Yep, she was her old, fearless, perpetually-nagging self again. And he loved her for it. 

The hesitant Nanao he encountered those seven days wasn't _his_ Nanao-chan. His Nanao-chan feared nothing and no one. Seeing her so jumpy and quick to avoid him for a week… it was more than a little unsettling. But by now their relationship was on the mend. Even so, there were still a few odd moments that passed between them every now, just brief moments of hesitance on Nanao's behalf before she continued with what she was saying or doing.

For instance a week ago, Nanao caught him trying to sneak off from his office during the afternoon, a typical everyday occurrence. She had just launched into her usual 'you're a captain and as such you have certain responsibilities to fulfill' speech, complete with adjusting glasses and all, when she suddenly stopped. She just stopped and looked at him strangely. As if she was the guilty party. Before he could comment on it, she pushed up her lenses once more and tiredly asked how long of a nap he was going to take. Curious at where this was going, he replied an hour. And she just let him go. An hour later, she arrived at his resting place to collect him. Of course, she needn't have bothered considering he was too bewildered by her actions to do much resting.

And now that he thought about it… she did act somewhat peculiar a few days ago too. She was delivering her usual threat about removing all his sake bottles if he didn't finish his stack of paperwork by the end of the day. He, in his normal fashion, whined and complained about his Nanao-chan being so cruel to him. And then she stopped and just looked at him with wide eyes. A moment later, she returned to normal and sighed as if thoroughly exhausted at dealing with his petulant attitude. But that was the last time she mentioned the idea of removing the sake bottles for the rest of the day. Just after that, she sent another mild glare at him and then at the large stack of paperwork sitting on his desk, and left his office.

'_How strange,' _he thought to himself, _'perhaps things are not back to normal like I thought.'_ He thought about this for a few moments then shook his head as if to dispel the thoughts inside, _'She's back again. A few brief moments of odd hesitation don't mean anything.' _

Humming a rather risqué drinking song under his breath, he continued on his way. He was going to meet Matsumoto, his typical drinking partner as of late, at a new bar she found in the fourteenth Rukon Distinct. She had only been once but she claimed it was well worth the trip. The bar had excellent koshu sake, an aged sake that seemed to acquire a honey taste with the passing of time. Shunsui usually didn't drink koshu sake, since the taste was on the sweeter side, but tonight he thought to indulge Matsumoto in trying the drink she had been raving about all week.

He had just neared the place when he caught sight of the buxom lieutenant standing outside near the entrance. _'Strange_,' he thought, '_usual if I arrive late, she's already inside getting 'warmed up' as she puts it with a couple drinks in her system.' _

"Ah Matsumoto," he called in greeting as he approached. For some strange reason, he thought he noticed a look of apprehension on her face. He watched as her eyes darted to the entrance of the bar then back to his approaching form.

"Shunsui," she greeted, putting a smile on her face as he joined her. He smiled and gestured for her to head in. She didn't move. When her eyes darted inside and then back at him for the second time, he became suspicious. _'Something is wrong. And whatever the problem is, lies inside the bar.' _Quickly Shunsui thought of a way to confirm his suspicions.

"Well, I'm ready to have some of that great koshu sake you have been talking about all week," he prompted and started to head inside. He noticed her jaw tighten and eyes widen momentarily before she hid it. She pretended to grimace and ran one hand through her blonde bangs before dropping it to her side.

"Actually I think I was wrong about the koshu sake here. It's a bit too sweet even for me. What do you say we head over to Itsuki's and grab our normal table?" she asked placing her other hand on his forearm to stop him from going further than the doorway.

Shunsui pretended to consider it causing her to relax her grip. "I think I take one jug from here to go first," he said. Before she could do more to stop him, he gently shrugged off her arm and headed inside.

"Shunsui, wait!"

But her panicked voice came too late. Shunsui saw what Matsumoto was desperate to hide from him. In a corner booth towards the back was Nanao-chan. A Nanao-chan on any other night, he would have been more than delighted to see. Her hair was up in a simple ponytail with her bangs slanted to frame her face. Her lips were painted red with lipstick and she wore a lavender kimono with light yellow accents which matched the yellow obi with purple lilacs around her waist. She had a half-drunken glass in her hand that she was swirling flirtatiously around as she smiled. She looked happy, beautiful, and carefree. On any other night, Shunsui would have been ecstatic to see his beloved Nanao-chan in such a way. But not tonight. For tonight, she was sitting with another man.

He wanted to go to her. To throw off the man's hand from the one she had set on the table. To pluck her out of her seat and kiss those dolled-up lips of hers. To drag her out of the bar, take her to his quarters and prove to her once and for all that she was _**his **_Nanao-chan.

But he didn't. And he wouldn't. Because sitting in that corner booth, "his" Nanao-chan was flirting and smiling and _happy_. He would never interfere with that. He couldn't. He loved her. If loving her and desiring her happiness above his meant that she would end up with someone else, so be it. But it didn't make the pain hurt any less.

"Come on, Shunsui," a soft voice said from his right as she placed a gentle hand on his arm. "Let's head to Itsuki's," Matsumoto said, gently leading him out of the bar. And the two left. They left unaware that a pair violet eyes, just happening to take a quick glance around the room, looked at the door just in time to see them exit.


	3. Secrets we Make

**AN**: Sorry about the cliffhanger last chapter. Hopefully this chapter will answer some of your questions. Just as a reminder you can check out my profile page to see my progress with the next chapter. Also, I am running a poll to see which story to update first since I have about five different ones in the works right now. So please vote.

**Shout-outs**: To the people who reviewed both chapters: AnimePenguin, NEWandKIC, darkangel910, JenovaJuice97, stormtrooper1  
To the people who are new to the story but still reviewed: Gothic Queen, Hatter Cecily, TheClumsyAuror, Uchiha (thanks for the compliment), sphekie, WeaselNinja1206

Enjoy!

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**Chapter Three:  
Secrets We Make**

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Truth was, until Shunsui had arrived, Nanao had been happy. To her own surprise, the minutes had pasted by and Nanao slowly found herself smiling, relaxing and even enjoying herself and the company she was with. True, the man before her wasn't _exactly_ her ideal man; but few men could ever even hope to compare to _**him **_in her eyes. 

Hachiro was blonde, with sparkling blue eyes, and an easy smile. He had just joined the 13th squad a few months ago and already reached the rank of 16th seat. He was definitely the talkative type with an unfortunate tendency to focus more on his own stories and anecdotes than making conversation, a minor but somewhat annoying offense. But what really bothered her was that he seemed a little too… upbeat for her taste. Cheerfulness wasn't a bad quality but sometimes it made her wonder how a person could truly be a shinigami, even a lower level one, without noticing some of the atrocities that that existed in the world around them. Even her captain, in all of his exuberant behavior, still acknowledged the imperfections in life and strove to make a difference as a result. In comparison to that, Hachiro seemed almost childlike and naïve. But when considering the circumstances…. He was just what she needed.

He was nice. The first thing he did whenever they met was compliment her on her attire, which helped set her at ease since it had been over three decades since her last date. He was kind. Whenever he realized he was dominating the conversation, he would immediately stop and try to rectify it by asking her about herself and attentively listening to her responses. He was polite. He would open the doors for her and insisted on paying for her meal and treat her like a lady instead of the rule-following, no-nonsense lieutenant that people at work viewed her as. He was understanding. He agreed to respect her wishes after she confessed that she wanted to take things slow. But most of all, he was safe.

He would never demand too much from her and if things didn't work out between them (which they most likely wouldn't, since he was a little too bland even for _her _taste) there would be no hard feelings, no regret, and no heartache. Dating him meant she could finally start to forget about her captain, her worries for the past couple of weeks, and start trying to live her life again. Then it happened. Against all odds, her captain showed up.

The moment her violet eyes spied the telltale pink haori slip out the door, Nanao felt all the air leave her body. Her lungs filled with ice as if Hitsugaya froze them with a blast from his zanpakutō. She couldn't breath. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. Some part of her wanted to run after her captain to explain. But a larger part of her just wanted to go home and cry. It wasn't suppose to happen like this. She had deliberately chosen to meet Hachiro at The Three Cups, a tavern in the fourteenth rukon distinct, because she knewKyōraku went there. It was suppose to be the perfect place to get away and relax. It was suppose to be her one chance to forget. But the opportunity left the moment she spied her captain stepping out the door.

"Nanao-san, is everything alright?"

"Of course, Hachiro-san," she said. But the sip she took of her drink could not fully hide the wince that followed. She never was very good at lying. _'And yet, here I am neck-deep in a pit of lies all of my own creation,' _she thought ruefully.

"If you're sure…"

"I am." This time the wince that followed was less noticeable than the first. "So where were we?" she asked signaling the server that she wanted her glass refilled. She never was a heavy drinker, but tonight she felt like she needed it. She needed something to distract her and, if she was truly honest, she needed something to help hide the guilt that was rising in her heart.

"I was telling you about my first day in kidō training."

"Yes, that's right. Please continue."

He did. He launched back into his tale of some embarrassing anecdotes from his academy training days. She did her part to smile and chuckle at the appropriate times, but for the rest of the night she could not look into his eyes. Every time she did, his sparkling blue eyes seemed to morph themselves into a pair of deep, sorrowful chocolate orbs that seemed so full of hurt and sadness. She looked down at her empty glass and tried to hold back the tears. _'Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?'_

"Nanao-san?" Hachiro asked when he noticed her eyes starting to look a bit glossier than normal.

But somehow the words transformed as well. In her mind, she heard her captain said her name in his typical affectionate tone, "my Nanao-chan."

Nanao blinked to clear away the thoughts… and the tears. "I apologize; I seem to be poor company tonight."

"No, not at all. I, of course, have been rambling on even though it's starting to get late. Would you like me to escort you home now?"

"No, I'll be fine on my own," she said rising from her seat. He rose as well, leaving the money on the table to cover the bill. Outside the tavern, he leaned in slightly as if he was going to kiss her on the cheek. She didn't want to offend him but tonight kissing was the last thing on her mind. Instead, she pretended as if she didn't notice the way he leaned in and turned to leave. "I'll see you next week," she said before walking away.

"When?" his confused voice asked.

She didn't answer. Her mind was too focused on replaying the scene again and again on the back of her eyelids. _'It was never suppose to happen this way. Why did he have to go there tonight of all nights,' _she thought to herself trying to forget the image of his pink haoru slipping through the exit. She picked up her pace. She needed to get home before the tears in her eyes began to fall.

By the time she reached her apartment, she was disheveled and out of breath. She slammed the door close behind her. Both her mind and her heart were racing. But now a new, and even more disturbing thought, was beginning to become clear to her.

Shunsui _knew_. Or at least he thought he did. Her second-worse fear became reality when she saw the pink haoru disappear out the door of The Three Cups. He had seen her… he saw her all dolled-up sitting in a booth with another man. He now knew, or at the very least could reasonably suspect, she was dating someone else.

And he didn't even care.

And that was what hurt the most. Failing to suppress the tears from falling, she reached into a small cabinet to pull out a jug that she had stored on the rare occasion when she would indulge herself in a moment of self-pity. She took a sip. The sake seemed to burn her mouth and throat but did nothing to warm the emptiness she felt in her stomach.

Shuns- no Kyōraku-taichō knew that she was dating someone and he didn't even care. If he did, he would have done something, said something. After all, he never cared before about making a scene or raising a fuss so why would he care about whether it would be improper to interrupt a date. Suddenly, she felt so foolish. All of his teasing, ramblings, compliments, and innuendo meant nothing and she was an idiot to think otherwise. He obviously had never loved her to begin with.

'_He was just playing around like he always does, but I still fell for it. Hell, I even felt guilty for dating Hachiro for awhile because it felt like I was betraying K_yō_raku. What a fool I have become.' _She took another swig from the jug, a larger one this time; and for the next few hours, she tried to forget the hurt, the emptiness, and the despair.


	4. Secrets that Break

**Author's Note**: Just to warn you, this chapter is full of angst. Even so, I promise this story will have a happy ending. Unfortunately, we're not there yet. Don't forget that you can check my profile page to see my progress with the next chapter. I should have it up pretty soon because it will probably be a shorter one. In addition, if you find any errors, _**please **_bring them to my attention so I can fix them. As it is, I am probably going to rework the ending of this chapter anyways. 

**Important Note**: I normally like to respond to each review individually using the review reply feature so the person who reviewed knows I read it and I am taking their comments into consideration. However, if you find this uncomfortable or unnecessary just let me know. I know that this may sound silly to most of you but it has been brought to my attention that my responses could make people feel uncomfortable or pressured to review again. Hopefully, this is not the case for most of you. But if it is, just let me know and I won't "hassle" you. 

**Shout-outs**: To the people who reviewed multiple chapters: AnimePenguin (personally, I love long reviews so thank you), NEWandKIC, darkangel1910 (I agree completely), JenovaJuice97 (…hmm I think someone is onto my plans), stormtrooper1, Uchiha (I have to warn you that your compliments keep giving a bighead so watch out), WeaselNinja1206 (hmmm Matsumoto interference… I hadn't really thought about it… oh possiblities!) hero (yeah, I always find it more interesting when the "other man" actually is a decent kind for a change)

To the people who are new to the story but still reviewed: Devatron2000, ScrewyLouie12 (sorry it took so long to update), Sakura Taichou (that's what I love to hear!)

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**Chapter Four:  
Secrets that Break**

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Over at Itsuki's, Matsumoto grew worried. Shunsui had been downing one cup of sake after another and while that in itself wasn't unusual, it was how he was doing it that set her on edge. He would chug the glass without smiling, without talking, and without any sign of stopping. After seeing Nanao out with another man, Matsumoto had expected him to be depressed, angry even, but instead of ranting and raving about unfairness of the situation, he turned inward and grew distant. The whole reason she had decided to take him to Itsuki's was in the hopes that the alcohol would loosen him up and get him to talk, not so he could drown himself in sake.

"Shunsui," she said placing a concerned hand on his arm. With a low grumble he shrugged off her hold. "Another," he ordered to the barkeeper. The grey-haired man looked at her in concern but went to obey the order; Shunsui was a regular after all. Matsumoto shook her head and sighed. 

"How long are you going to do this to yourself for?" she asked. "How long will you torture yourself?"

"What does it matter?" he grumbled, reaching for the bottle the barkeeper handed him. 

"This isn't going to make you feel any better in the end," she told him quietly, for once taking the levelheaded approach.

He looked at her with blood-shot eyes and an expression so miserable that Matsumoto almost wanted to head back to the Three Cups and drag Nanao out by her hair. But two things prevented her from doing so: firstly, Nanao was her friend and secondly Shunsui, despite his anguish at seeing her with another man, would never wish for anything that would harm his Nanao-chan.

"I know," he replied in a subdued tone, patting the hand that thirty seconds ago he threw off, "I know that but right now I would do anything – _anything _– to just have five minutes to myself in which I don't feel a thing."

Though his words were slurred and mumbled, Matsumoto understood perfectly. She had been there so many times after Gin left that she knew what he was talking about. She was no stranger to the feeling of such desperation that the idea of feeling numb, just for an hour or two, came as a blessing. She looked at the captain before her, so drunk and miserable, and compared it to the one he normally was, vivacious and strong, and suddenly a feeling of pity came over her. 

'_How could have things ended up like this?' _she thought watching him struggle to pour himself a drink with unsteady hands, _'I thought if anyone could make it, if anyone of us could have a happy ending, it would have been those two.' _

"Let me," she said, gentling taking the bottle from his trembling hands and pouring him a drink. _'We all have our moments of weakness,' _she thought watching sadly as he emptied the cup and signaled for her to fill it again, _'who am to condemn him for loving someone he can never have when I am guilty of the same?'_

Sp she filled up his glass again and wished that it would take away his pain. But by the despondent look on his face, she knew it didn't. Three hours later, she finally waved the barkeeper off from bringing over another round and helped the drunken captain out the door. Neither spoke on the way back to his quarters. After she help him inside, she opened her mouth to say something, possibly goodbye, but closed it again unable to summon the right words and knowing in the end it wouldn't help him feel any better. So she just left, quietly shutting the door behind her as she went. Only then, did Shunsui finally break down.

He had always been an emotional man, some left over remnant of humanity that hadn't left even when he entered the Soul Society, so when the tears fell from his eyes, he didn't stop them. And when his feet couldn't support him any longer, he simply allowed himself to fall to the floor. There with knees pressed to a cold wooden floor, he wept and raged and cried. With shaking hands, he reached into the inside of his haori to pull out a small faded piece of paper, so old and so tattered that it was a miracle that it hadn't fallen apart long ago. He stared at this piece paper that his shaking hands held so tightly. He looked at the face of the woman on the photograph and felt his anguish rise up anew.

"Why, Nanao?" he asked, "Why?" He continued to stare at the sole picture he had of his beloved Nanao-chan, the one she never knew he had taken nearly eight years ago. The image of Nanao's likeness couldn't answer but somehow he knew this would be the only way he could ever confront her. He would never confront her in person and risk ruining her happiness. Instead, he just smiled sadly, wistfully, and began to smooth out the creases and rough edges. Once finished he gazed adoringly at the one woman who had easily captured his heart so long ago and had broken it just as easily tonight. 

He traced the outline of her form, wishing he could touch her soft curves just once. When his fingers reached her hair, he imagined what it would have been like to gently take out the thousands of hairpins that held her hair so neat and tidy. When he reached her lips, he sighed and remembered the image of her laughing and smiling in that dingy, rundown bar. _'I used to think I would have given anything to see her like that,' _he thought tracing her lips once more, _'now I would give anything to burn that image out of my head.' _And all through the night, his fingers kept tracing again and again the Nanao in the photo while his mind kept imagining would the real thing would be like. But every time he did, his mind would eventually return to the image of her with someone else.

When morning came, he got up from his position on the floor having never made it to his bed, having never even closed his eyes except briefly in regret. He stood as straight and tall as his damaged soul would allow. He fixed his uniform, brushed off the dust from his body and wounded heart. He ate some fresh fruit that had somehow made its way into the kitchen and took bite after bite and allowing its bitter taste to churn his stomach. And then when he finished, he headed out the door. As for the picture of Nanao… it was tucked close to his heart as it always was and always would be because Shunsui never could let his beloved Nanao-chan go. 

When the captain stumbled in hung-over and unshaven around noon, no one within the eighth squad was surprised. But when he failed to respond to their cheerful greetings and instead headed straight for his office, they looked at one another in rampant confusion. Eventually they just shrugged their shoulders and joked to one another that maybe he was going to take a nap in the office. It was the Captain Kyōraku after all. Besides what was more surprising to them was that Vice-Captain Nanao hadn't shown up at all. Eventually, a few brave souls dropping off some forms to sign mentioned that little tidbit to the captain but Kyōraku-taichō didn't react like they expected him to. Instead, of organizing a massive search party for his poor, beloved Nanao-chan like he had done in the past, he just got a pained expression on his face and told them it was fine. Unsure of how to respond, they nodded and left him alone.

When she did finally stumble in an hour later, with her hair pinned expertly in place and uniform neat and ironed, no said a word assuming everything was back to normal. If only they had gotten a closer look. If they had, they would have seen the paleness of her skin as if she were hung over, the puffiness around her eyes as if she had been crying all night without ceasing and the tremble in her smile as if she were trying to fight back a sob behind her silent lips. 


	5. Secrets Between Us

**Author's Note**: Once again, I must apologize for the angst in this chapter. Fortunately, since next chapter is more action-based an end to the angst is finally in sight. (I think.) In any case, as a trade-off (read: bribe) for the amount of angst, I lengthened this chapter and removed the cliffhanger I initially wrote in. As always, please point out any errors you find so I may correct them. Hopefully, I caught them all but I must admit I was in a hurry to write this chapter since I too want to move away the angst into a happy ending.

**Important Note**: I recently created a C2 devoted to the Nanao/Shunsui pairing. If you're a diehard Nanao/Shunsui fan or if this pairing is new to you and you wish to learn more about them, I recommend checking it out under my profile.

**Shout-outs: **To my reoccurring reviewers: hero (I'm glad it worked this time; unfortunately, there is a bunch more angst coming your way), Devatron2000, Anime Penguin, Hatter Cecily, JenovaJuice97, Sakura Taichou, Gothic Queen, NEWandKIC, darkangel1910, Uchida,

To the newcomers: AmbrosiusSchuler, Sweetdeath04, Cheerio-panda45

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**Chapter Five:  
Secrets Between Us**

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Nanao sat at her desk with her head bowed and shoulders slumped. Her hand that normally raced across the divisions' paperwork drifted along aimlessly until she finally gave up and set the pen down. Wearily she took a moment to rub her red-rimmed eyes and catch her breath.

Her head had been pounding unceasingly since this morning but it still couldn't compare to sharp sting in her heart. _'Why did it have to come to this?' _Nanao wondered. Normally, she tried not to dwell on things in the past knowing that it was beyond her control. But today, she couldn't help herself; every time she ran across Kyōraku's name in a document, her mind conjured up the image of a gentle face with sad brown eyes.

With a muted growl, she jumped up from her desk and stalked over to the one window she had in her office. She smiled wryly upon seeing the heavy gray clouds in the sky. They suited her mood perfectly. Her smile slipped though as she return to thinking about the reason for her mood: her captain.

'_Why do I feel sorry for him? I didn't betray him. There was never anything between us,' _she thought angrily, _'if anything I should be upset since now I know he had never even cared for me in the first place.' _

Still the image of her sweet captain's face refused to leave her mind's eyes and reawakened the pain in her heart. She sighed and let one hand rest on the glass that separated her from outside world. _'I knew this would happen,' _she thought tracing an imagery line on the windowpane, _'I knew when I met him that one day he would somehow manage to worm his way past my defenses and into my heart. That's why I did this. That's why I decided to date __Hachiro. I wanted to be able to move on before he had a chance to break my heart. _Her hand fell back to her side and her eyes closed. _'But now it's too late.'_

The flowering-wearing, nap-loving Kyōraku Shunsui had finally succeeded in broking her fragile heart. And it was all her fault. At first, she wanted to place the blame solely on her capricious captain's shoulders, but she realized he wasn't to blame. Upon first meeting him, she knew that he was a womanizer that given the chance he would do to her what he had done to countless other women. But against her better judgment, she had let him into her mind and into her heart enabling him the opportunity to hurt her where it mattered most. No, the fault was exclusively hers and now she would have to pay the price of her mistake.

She would have to put the shards of her damaged heart back together piece by piece all on her alone, all the while fending off Kyōraku's innocent attempts to find his way back in. In the past, her biggest challenge was to never show him how much she wished and wondered whether his countless compliments were real. Now she would have to bear his flirtations knowing it was all a farce. If she wanted to remain as the eighth division lieutenant, she would have to look at him and pretend that his comments didn't affect her, that it didn't make her feel both wanted and afraid, that it didn't make her long for something that she now knew was never real: his love for her. She had no choice.

'_Unless…' _she moved back to her desk with eyes alight with an idea she had long since forgotten. Bending down she opened the bottom drawer on the left-hand side where an innocent red folder rested on the top. _'If I do this, I can never go back,' _she thought to herself with acute clarity. Her hand hovered for a moment before she made her decision.

She pulled out the folder and set it on her desk. Sitting down, she closed her eyes and took in a reassuring breath. Her hand flipped open the folder and she looked at the sole paper within. The words "Request for Transfer" at the top of the sheet stared back at her in big bold letters.

It was a form head-captain Yamamoto had given her years ago knowing that given enough time anyone, including someone who possessed the patience of a saint like Nanao, would grow weary of working with a man as lazy as Kyōraku-taichō. At the time, Nanao had simply thanked him, politely showed him the door, and shoved the folder in the bottom drawer never to be seen again. Despite her irritation of Kyōraku-taichō's laidback style and her ever-growing feelings for him, she never thought she would ever use the form before her. She admired Kyōraku both as a captain and as a man too much to do that to him.

'_But things are different now,' _her mind whispered gently.

Yes, things had indeed changed the moment Kyōraku entered that dingy tavern in the fourteenth Rukon distinct. Tears filled violet eyes, so she closed them to keep them from escaping. _This was the only solution now,' _she thought forcing the pain deeper and deeper into the back of her mind until it faded into a dull throb, _'I cannot stay here any longer; it would be too painful to stay and watch what is left of our friendship deteriorate into sullen anger and a web of falsehood. I must leave in order to protect my heart from his insincere flirtations and to protect his feelings, whatever they may be, from my resulting callousness. I may have failed in my efforts to prevent this from happening, but now I have the chance to make everything right again.'_

A trembling hand reached for the pen.

An hour later, a subdued Nanao excused herself from the division headquarters to make an errand; the form clutched in her hands. Somewhere inside herself, beneath the guilt that turned her stomach and the weakening of her wounded heart, she wondered if this is what it felt like to betray a friend.

She returned to the eighth division around 3:00 and quickly barricaded herself behind a mountain of paperwork and a locked office door. No one said a word about her disappearance that afternoon or her tardiness that morning for which Nanao was extremely grateful. Even so, she couldn't relax. Her body remained like a rubber band pulled to his fullest, taunt and ready to snap. Her mind whirled with doubt and confusion. _'Did I do the right thing?' _she continued to ask herself. She wanted to believe she had but feeling guilt continued to plague her mind and fuel her doubts.

Each time there came a knock at the door, her fear that someone had discovered her actions grew into outright terror. She felt like a prisoner waiting for the axe to fall as punishment for her crimes. And it finally did. Three hours later, an unseated member of the eighth squad told her that the captain was in his office and was waiting to speak to her. With a nod, Nanao set aside the form she had been working on. She rose from her chair and turned off the light before closely the door gently behind her. Taking in a breath, Nanao slowly walked to her execution.


	6. Secrets that Leave us

**Author's Note: **I know it seems like I've taken a sabbatical from updating but I want you to know that I have every intention of finishing this story. In fact, this story is nearing its conclusion with only two chapters to go and one potential epilogue. So please bear with me until then. And as always, feel free to point out errors so I can make corrections.

**Chapter Warnings: **Contained here is angst, more angst, a little dose of language and a whole lot of anger, so keep your tissues close and your fire extinguisher closer because things are going to get even more complicated between our two star-crossed lovers. (PS The fire extinguisher will also come in handy should you be tempted to send me any flames after reading.)

**Shout-Outs: **To those I know and love: Dreaming One (I love people who review multiple chapters; it gives me the warm fuzzies), faint-love (your reviews brightened my days and are a source of inspiration), ViciousMoon (have I mentioned that I love your name?), darkangel1910 (no offense but you make me giggle), Gothic Queen, Devatron2000, Cheerio-panda45 (yay, you're back!), JenovaJuice97, Butterfliesinthewind (Is that you, hero?), AmbrosiusSchuler (if you keep talking to me like that, I'm liable to start blushing), M.infinity (I love long reviews so thank you for taking the time to submit it), and as always Uchiha (I'm glad you've stuck with me despite my angst-filled writing)

To the newcomers: BladeMaster357, Genasyz, Bleach Girl, genny62890, and breezybiatch

* * *

**Chapter Six:  
Secrets that Leave us**

* * *

He was hiding. As embarrassing as it was to admit, the truth was he had been hiding ever since he came into the Eighth Division Headquarters an hour ago. Worse part of it was, he wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon.

He didn't want to risk running into Nanao-chan.

He didn't want to risk someone, namely Nanao-chan, questioning his peculiar behavior.

He didn't want to risk anyone finding out the truth; Nanao loved someone else and he was a fool for believing he stood a chance with her.

But perhaps the biggest problem of them all is that he didn't want to believe any of it was real in the first place.

He didn't want to believe that his precious, _precious_, Nanao was involved with someone else. He didn't want to acknowledge that all of the time he had lavished her with attention and admiration had been in futile at best. He didn't want to acknowledge these things but he did.

He even knew that this relationship of hers could have been going on for a long time. Which made him wonder. Had he ever even stood a chance at winning Nanao's heart or had she always cared for this nameless man she met in the Rukon districts? Shunsui didn't want to know the answer; he feared what the truth would reveal.

Instead, he hid in his office. Behind a desk and closed door, he worked on the backlog of paperwork Nanao had put on the corner of his desk in a neat, tidy stack. Shunsui grinned wryly but without any genuine amusement, _'She would be proud. I'm finally doing my paperwork for a change without her ordering me to.'_

The smile faded. Even with all that happened last night, a part of him still preferred a nagging ever-present Nanao-chan to one he felt required to avoid in order to avoid shaking her and demanding answers he didn't want to hear.

He signed and doled out his signature on another bland form. _'It's going to be a long day,' _he thought. A tentative knock on the door had him pausing before reaching for another paper. He set the pen down and cleared his throat. "Come in," he called.

The door opened slowly. The faces of two of his unseated members looked back at him cautiously. The fact that it wasn't Nanao-chan at the door made him feel both disappointed and relieved.

"What can I do for you?" he drawled, determined to act as normal as possible.

Both faces relaxed into a grin and joined him in the room. "Kyōraku-taichō, the fourth division sent us some paperwork to clear up the incident from a few weeks ago," one said, putting down a few forms on his desk.

"Incident?" he asked blankly?

"The one where Kyōraku's Big and Fun Party Bash got a little out of control and some members from the eighth division got into a fight with members from the eleventh squad," the other one explained.

"Ah," Kyōraku said finally remembering the incident they were referring to, "and the _fourth_ gave us paperwork because..?"

"They had to patch up our members after the fight."

"Ah."

"…"

"…"

"So could you sign the forms saying we're sorry for the trouble we caused and we'll deliver them to the fourth division headquarters?"

"Got it." He signed each of the three pages and handed the forms back. But instead of leaving the pair continued to look at him. Kyōraku raised one eyebrow in curiosity. "Was there something else?" he asked leaning back in his chair.

"Well…" one said.

"Um," went the other.

"It's alright boys, just spit it out."

"Well, we need Ise-fukutaichō's signature,"

"And?"

The men looked at one another. Finally, one sighed and spoke up, "she hasn't been here all morning."

_She hasn't been here all morning. _The words seemed to echo in his mind and he feared the implications. _Could Nanao have taken up with the man in the bar? Could she left with him after a few drinks? Could she have gone back to his place and…_

Shunsui refused to let his thoughts go any deeper but something Matsumoto said one time rang in his mind, '_A late night means a very late morning.' _At the time, he had laughed uproariously at the overexaggerated wink and waggling eyebrows that had accompanied her comment but now the words seemed far from a laughing matter. The thought of his Nanao-chan doing anything with that man turned his stomach.

'_Nanao-chan's not like that. She would never do something like that.' _But he couldn't shake away the fear entirely. After all, if he hadn't even known she was seeing someone, how would she know if she was more… _intimately _acquainted_. _But even if it were the case he could hardly share his spectations about her absence to the two men. "It's fine," he replied gruffly trying to push aside his worry, his anger… his breaking heart.

"Sir?"

"I said it's fine," the reply came out harsher than he intended but it had the desired effect.

"Yes, Kyōraku-taichō sir," the men snapped a salute and hightailed it out the door. Shunsui dropped his face in his hands after they left. _'Damn it Nanao-chan, what are you trying to do to me?'_

When a few more reports were dropped off an hour later, and the messenger mentioned in passing that Nanao was working away in her office, he felt relieved. She was here. She hadn't left. And that's what mattered. Yet, a small chain of fear still bound a corner of his heart. She was here. But how long would she stay?

That evening he had his answer.

He had stayed late to work, an unusual occurrence, but a necessary one. The image of drinking at a bar had been tainted by his memory of the previous night. And the idea of going home to an empty house was even less appealing. So he worked. Or at least, he tried to. Most of the time, he blankly wrote out his signature on whatever form laid on his desk. Had Aizen danced into the room doing the tango, he wouldn't have even noticed.

By the time clock struck six, Shunsui finally decided to call it quits. Although he was still unable to bear the thought of going home alone, he resolved to visit Jūshirō for some advice. Or enough sake to kill a horse. Both sounded good at the moment. He had just turned out the desk light and was picking himself up from his desk when a hesitant knock came from the doorway.

An unfamiliar Soul Reaper, most likely one of the newer additions to his squad, looked back at him nervously.

"What is it?" he asked, gathering up his things.

"I- I have a message from Captain Yamato."

Shunsui frowned. "Couldn't he have used a hell butterfly?"

The man shifted nervously but didn't reply. Shunsui sighed and sat back down. "Come in," Shunsui said waving a hand in his direction. The man stepped forward and handed him a folder.

"I was told that it just needs your signature," he said.

Shunsui nodded and pulled out the papers. He was about to sign the document when the words "request for transfer" caught his attention. He scanned the document to find the transferee. The name Ise Nanao stopped his heart. It had finally happened. She was leaving him.

"Captain Kyōraku?"

Kyōraku forced himself to relax his tight grip and stop crinkling the forms. "Send her in here."

"Sir?"

"Send Ise-fukutaichō in here now."

His dark tone caused the man to jerk back in fear. "Yes sir," the man stammered before fleeing down the hallway.

Kyōraku glared at the papers wishing he could dissolve them in a rarely used kidō spell. Instead, he forced himself to relax, or at least pretend to relax. He sat back in his chair, eyes pinned on the doorway, fingers drumming against the desk in deadly anticipation.

Like hell, it would end like this.


	7. Secrets that Bind Us

**Author's Note**: Sorry for the wait, this chapter was a bit of a struggle for me. Fight scenes tend to be a weakness of mine so it took me longer to write. On the plus side, this ended up become the longest chapter to date. However, some parts were a bit rushed and so if you find something that needs corrected please let me know. Also, I ask you to remember that that there _**will be**_ another chapter and not to freak out after you finish this chapter. That been said, please read the chapter warning.

**Important Note**: There is a Shunsui/Nanao contest going on right now. Details are available on my profile page, but I strongly urge all of you to participate to spread some more Shunsui/Nanao goodness!

**Chapter Notes: **I didn't write any spoilers here. I did do some research on kidō in order to make the scenes look more realistic but that was all. Any mention of Nanao's zanpakutō and her attack is pure fiction on my part. As a side note, the name of her sword, Karasukuro, means "black raven" in Japanese.

**Chapter Warnings**: First, I want to point out that there is some minor swearing, nothing too serious, but it is there. Second, I know that the ending of this chapter may _seem_ like a good reason to attack me with sharp, pointy objects but remember violence is never the answer… right, right? …no? Crap, in that case, I'm just going start running now…. (speeds away)

**Shout-outs **(_I'm in a bit of a time crunch right now so I will send out the actual review replies later_): darkangel1910 (… I don't think this was quite what you had in mind, but I hope you enjoy it anyways), Sakura Taichou, Tomas Hydraxus (your review seriously made me laugh), (well, this is a longer chapter but humor didn't really fit into it; hopefully, some action will do as a substitute), breezybiatch (well, technically there is fighting but I don't think it ends the way you hoped…), Cheerio-panda45, faint-love (life is still a bit hectic but the muses wouldn't leave me be), Volere/Uchiha? (sorry for the late update, I do promise that the next one will be quicker), genny62890 (I agree, Nanao is being very stupid right now but she does have her reasons), AmbrosiusSchuler (I personally so sad to see this story come to a close but I think it's time) , JenovaJuice97 (I'm afraid I have a confession to make: I am addicted to writing cliffhangers. As a result, I have yet another one in store for you), ScrewyLouie12, Renji's Girll, Devatron2000, and finally Kyourakuzelda (I agree Shunsui is such a sweet guy, but unfortunately, Nanao feels very insecure right now because she thinks that he doesn't truly care about her)

* * *

**Chapter Seven:  
Secrets That Bind Us**

* * *

Nanao didn't hesitate outside his door. She had realized in retrospect that there had been too much hesitation already; too much time wasted second-guessing her actions. Instead, she opened the door quietly and mentally prepared herself for whatever would meet her inside. For the most part, Kyrōkaru was a very predictable man. He drank sake like it was water, chased women like it was a national sport, and avoided paperwork like it was a sign of evil. Very predictable. Except, Nanao knew he became very unpredictable when angry. And her betrayal, as much as she hated to call it that, would definitely make him angry.

Thus, when she closed the door and took a glance into the room, she was surprised to see him sitting relatively calmly at his desk. True, his reiatsu was flaring up every so often and his normally warm eyes looked cold in anger, but overall, he was reacting better than she had anticipated. This only reaffirm her earlier suspicion, although he might be angry for her sudden departure, he would only view it as an inconvenience and nothing more. A small part of her felt disappointed by this, but ignored it. She had chosen this path for herself, now she had to live with it.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" As soon as she spoke the words, she knew that it was a mistake. Over the past decades as his fukutaichō, she had long stopped using the term "sir" and adopted a slightly more affectionate "Kyōraku-taichō" or just taichō in its place. If she had thought that lapse into the older term would help to create some distance between them, she had guessed wrong. Instead, it had achieved the opposite effect on Kyōraku. It awoke his simmering fury.

"Nanao," he said dropping the honorific as a sign of his seriousness and a reminder of their familiarity, "some paperwork has just come by my desk and I need you to verify its authenticity."

"Sir?" she responded startled.

"You see Nanao, the strangest thing just happened. A man just stopped by to get my signature on some paperwork but when I looked it over, I thought he must have made a mistake," he paused for a moment making sure he had her undivided attention before continuing. "After all," he continued, in a voice that was biting with anger and bitterness, "there is simply no way my own fukutaichō would request a transfer into a different division without even telling me."

She didn't answer. She couldn't even breathe. It felt like the time when tried to stand against Yamamoto's power only to end up gasping on the ground. The pressure in the air was thick with accusations and bitterness. She sealed her lips and clenched her fists. She would not crumble, not now.

"Sir," she said. She tried to remember the techniques her instructors at the Academy had taught her. She was stone; his words couldn't effect her.

"Talk to me, Nanao!" he growled, throwing the paperwork across his desk, "what the hell is going on?"

He was giving her an opportunity, to take it all back, to say what had been bothering her in the hopes that they could work through it together. But she felt it was too late for that now. She had already tried to fix things on her own. The sole reason for going out with the another man was because she was trying to erase her feelings for her captain before he had the opportunity to hurt her. But he already had, even if he didn't realize it.

The night when he walked out of the bar, she knew that ever compliment he paid her and every badly-written poem dedicated in her honor were nothing more than the lies of a notorious flirt. And she should have known better than to believe his words. But against all reasoning, her heart took hope in his words and his attentions. And now she had to pay the price. She _loved _him and always would and although he may see her as a good friend or an efficient lieutenant, he would never see her as a lover. And it hurt. It hurt more than she ever thought possible.

"Sir," she said as if it were her saving grace contained in a three letter word.

"What's going on, Nanao-chan?"

"Sir."

"What's changed in the last few months that led you to this?"

"Sir."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"Sir," she said as politely, and distantly, as the day they met.

In that instant, he despised her for it. "Quit acting like an unfeeling robot and talk to me!" he shouted.

They paused, staring at one another in disbelief. It wasn't the first time he had ever raised his voice to her, but it certainty was the first time that she was the cause of his anger. But even so, she could hardly blame him. Already, Kyōraku looked at her with such pain and regret that Nanao had to remind herself once again that this was for the best. Kyōraku would get another fukutaichō and in a few decades, he would forget all about her; the name Ise Nanao would fade away just as fukutaichō before her did. He would be fine.

As for herself, she could slip away into the shadows licking her wounds like an injured animal. Perhaps in time, she might even get a chance to heal. They would get past this in time. But in the present, she knew it was going to be difficult.

In a way, she knew that they aren't really angry at each other. Rather, they both are angry at themselves for their inability to just break the silence that has been building between them for months now. For months, he has wanted to yell, scream at her, shake some sense into her, in the hopes of figuring out what was wrong with her, but he kept quiet, thinking that it would all work out in the end. And ever since that night in the fourteenth Rukon District, she has wanted to ask for forgiveness, ask to stay by his side forever despite the pain it would cause when he finally did finally find someone to love, but the thought of staying with someone who could never love her silenced her tongue.

Thus, the once friends, the forever comrades, the would-be lovers, stood in opposition to one another as if they were enemies on the battlefield. Kyōraku looked at her with eyes burning with pain and anger. Nanao stared back blankly, burying her voice and regret deeper inside so he couldn't see.

"Taichō," she managed at last.

"Please Nanao," he said, in a tone so heartbroken that she wanted to cry with him, "tell me what is going on?"

"Taichō," she replied softly, giving the only reply she could.

He sighed. His right hand went up to cover his eyes and she thought for a moment he might be crying. The thought of it shook her but before she could say anything the sound of his laughter reached her ears. His laughter, normally so boisterous, was softer than normal and sharper than she remembered. "I always knew you'd be the death of me," he says in explanation.

She couldn't understand this. If anything it should be the other way around. "Taichō?" she repeated, a confused tone entering her voice.

"Let's make a deal," he said, looking out the window, which she interpreted as him being unable to tolerate looking at her now. "I'll sign this paper when you tell me the reason, the _real _reason, why you're leaving."

She hesitated, then cursed herself for wavering. Hadn't she already resolved to carry this thing through to the end? "Obtaining a signature from one's captain is a formality. The transfer can be approved by the Head Captain without your signature."

"True, true, but that will take a few weeks. Plus another few weeks before you get reassigned. Do you really want to wait that long?" he asked drumming his fingers on his desk.

In hindsight, she realized that she had underestimated him. Just because he avoided paperwork and constantly broke the rules didn't mean that he didn't know what they were. He had her caught. But which option was the lesser of two evils. Could she wait another month or so in a division where he would make it his personal goal to wrangled the reason for her departure out of her? Or could she risk letting him know the truth that he had captured her heart like he swore he would do on the day they met?

"Taichō," she said but the presence of a hell-butterfly prevented her from going any further.

She touched it and repeated the message aloud. "The tenth division have been ambushed, Head Captain Yamamoto orders the members of the eighth division to go in as reinforcements and provided cover as the fourth division removes wounded. Members of the eleventh will follow if needed." Hitsugaya, Rangiku. They were in danger. Nanao looked at Kyōraku for reassurance, as she had done ever since her arrival in Eighth. He rose from his seat.

"Let's get going," he said. She nodded. Other lives were at stake now and that took precedence over their problems.

A scarce ten minutes later, all the seated members of the Eighth division who weren't already on assignment had formed and stood waiting for passage to the living world to open. As the portal opened, the front of group began moving through. At the last second, Kyōraku bent down to whisper a message in Nanao's ear. "This isn't over between us."

Shaken by his words, she left the Soul Society and descended straight into hell. Everywhere she looked was chaos. Wounded members of the tenth division were scattered across the open ground and were vulnerable to attack. The members of the eighth division were already engaged in battling hordes of hollows that had swarmed to the area, perhaps detecting the entrance of new reiatsu on which to feed. And in the sky, a giant crack had appeared and to her horror she watched as an Ajūkasu, the accumulation of thousands of individual hollows, had began to fight its way in.

It would appear that the Soul Society had greatly underestimated the strength of their adversary. With any hope, she would live to complain about it later. First, she needed to create some space so that when the fourth division came through they wouldn't be walking into their deaths. Silver kidō lit her hands and she moved into a battle stance. When the first hollow rushed forward, she was more than ready.

"Shot of Red Fire!"

The hollow screamed as its outstretched arm exploded in midair. A second blast aimed at its eyes disintegrated it completely. But the struggle has drawn more attention. Two hollows charged in her direction. Rather than hanging back, Nanao rushed forward as well. At the last possible moment, she leapt over an outstretched claw and took to the air. Twisting her body, she sent two well-placed kidō spells upon each hollow; lightening ripped through their bodies, exploding them from the inside out. When she landed, there is a grim smile of satisfaction on her face. Three hollows down, an infinite more to go.

Twenty minutes later, there are still no signs of the eleventh division who were to be their reinforcements leading Nanao to the conclusion that she been optimistic earlier. This wasn't just a battle; this was turning out to be a massacre. And she was on the losing side. Everywhere she looked she saw too many hollows, too few Soul Reapers left standing to fight back. Each felled Soul Reaper just added strength to already powerful hollows. And the Ajūkasu that she had spotted earlier had managed to get halfway into the world of the living. Her captain and a weary Hitsugaya-taichō were trying to fight it off, but every time they had a chance to destroy it, a lesser hollow would interfere and the opportunity was lost. The longer they fought, the less of a chance they had at victory. She wanted to make her way to Kyōraku-taichō, but knew better than to do so. As much as she would like to help him, she knew that he had a tendency to take unnecessary risks in order to ensure her safety. It was safer for him if she stayed away. Even so, she couldn't help but stay within range so that if ever needed her, she would be there in an instant.

Nanao smiled ruefully at the irony of the statement but then winced as she shot another blast at a charging hollow. The pain in her broken wrist radiated up the rest of her arm, but she ignored it. She had a job to do. Even knowing that this was a battle that they weren't going to win was not going to stop her. She would keep fighting. It was her duty to do nothing less than her best. Even so, she could feel her power fading and weakening. Each kidō blast became weaker than the previous one and soon her once impressive blasts would become virtually ineffective.

"Nanao behind you!"

Shunsui's shout was loud and desperate and Nanao turned to defend herself. The hollow before her was massive; its body stretched towards the sky and its pincer hands split the crisp autumn air. More than likely it has already fed on other hollows and Soul Reapers alike, drawing their power into itself. And it would appear than it had chosen her for its next meal.

Nanao summoned kidō into her hands and sent a scorching strike of lightning at the creature. When the hollow merely winced off her blow, Nanao knew she was in trouble. She reached into her left sleeve and prepared to draw her zanpakutō. Her sword had not seen real battle in nearly fifty years but she knew that its blade was as sharp as ever. Its shape was small like that of a tantō, but the moment she touched its scabbard she could feel its power replenishing her own. She felt the voice of her zanpakutō settle into the back of her mind in the figure of a winged woman dressed in black.

_Mistress?_

Hello Karasukuro, it's been awhile.

_Who do we fight, Mistress?_

All that opposes us.

_I am ready Mistress, just say the words._

"Soar Karasukuro!"

Karasukuro was unique from most zanpakutōs. It enabled its wielder to use their own kidō in conjunction with its blade. One puncture of her opponent's skin through Karasukuro enabled Nanao to send her own kidō along the blade and into her opponent's body in a single instant. From there, the raw, unstable power would rip her opponent apart from the inside. The drawback of the technique was that Nanao had to be close, extremely close, to her opponent in order for the technique to work. And once she cut them and deposited her kidō, she couldn't control its effects. Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, her opponent would be dead in the span of seconds in the resulting explosion. Which is why she normally didn't rely on it. It was too dangerous for everyday use and too impractical when fighting a vast army.

But in a moment like this, when she had to fight a single, stronger opponent, it was perfect.

The moment seemed to still and narrow in on her and the giant hollow before her. She prepared herself for his attack; her muscles tensed and her body tightened in anticipation. Then he charged. And everything evolved into rapid movement. She sent out spell after spell in the hope of distracting him for her true goal. A quick hit to his body with her blade. Unfortunately, she was having difficulty getting within range. Despite his large size, he was fast. His arms would launch out like the snap of a whip, leaving her to dodge his pincers or be crushed by their brute force. She jumped over one arm and prepared to strike when he spun suddenly and knocked her back. She landed a good fifty feat away couching up blood; with her chest shooting pain and her lungs on fire, Nanao knew that she has more than likely punctured a lung. Unless she received treatment soon, she would most likely die.

She didn't have much time left; she had to end this now. If she allowed it to feed on her powers, it would become even more deadly than before. She had to stop it, no matter the costs.

Thus she resigned herself to her fate, she would take one last chance to destroy the creature before it feed on her reaistu. She turned her head to get one last look at her captain – her dear, beloved captain – running to her aid. She knew that he would never arrive in time.

"Get out of there!" he screamed, fighting off the hollows that stood between them.

"I love you," she called with a blood-tinted smile and turned back to the hollow before her. It raised its pincers into the air and screamed in hellish fury. Nanao lifted in her head in stubborn determination. If she was to die, she would go down fighting. She summoned the last of her kidō into her broken right hand which held Karasukuro. And removed her glasses with her left and tossed them to the ground. Unohana-taichō had once warned her that removing her glasses, specially made to deplete her excess reiatsu power, would cause a surge in raw power that was unstable. It was a dangerous move, but one Nanao felt was necessary in this situation. Immediately, she could feel the effects. Her body felt stronger, more powerful. The typically repressed reiatsu coursed through her veins and turned her violet eyes a faint silver color. She felt Karasukuro pulse in her hands. One hit, one piercing of his skin, was all she needed.

"Come and get me," she whispered as the creature lunged.

The resulting explosion forced Shunsui to turn his eyes away. When he was finally able to look back, the hollow is nowhere to be found and Nanao laid motionless on the ground.


End file.
